Avengers #376: 1994 - Great looking gals battle for something or other

This 1994 issue has a $1.50 cover price. I see a good mint copy going on Amazon for under 5 bucks. Mine is unbagged but is in pretty good shape. I'm not sure I ever read this, but the events are fairly unmemorable so I probably did. The odds are good that I bought this off the rack, though this was around the time I was stopping buying new comics on the regular. But a buck fifty was still reasonable for a good looking book. I have a handful of Avengers from that time I think. I'd have to look in other boxes for them; but Crystal is wearing that flight jacket the Avengers, even Cap, wore over their tights at that time. I plucked this out of the same box I got my previous posts from. Most of the comics are unbagged, and some are from more recent years picked up at a garage sale or whatever, so this box is probably just a utility comic box for items floating around that I hadn't grouped with their related collections. But this one is a mystery. I don't even remember having it. So yeah I either never read it or I read it decades ago and forgot about it. 

The writer here is Joey Cavalieri, the artist and inker is Grant Miehm. Neither are names I remember. 

The cover could have had a lot to do why 20ish me bought it. Crystal has those proportions that were getting popular in 90's comics. Those bosoms are coming atcha. But honestly outside of Crystal's stunning looks the cover is pretty dynamic. Great action shot. Its appealing for a lot of reasons. And the nude-ish figure to the right lends some mystery to it. Death of an Inhuman? Hell, as comic readers we can read between the lines. The question mark tells you nobody will die. 

The story begins with a lone Crystal at Avengers Mansion. She seems to be in one of those "I just want to belong because I am so different" type of moods. She "seeks out" those who are like herself (she has been in the Fantastic Four decades prior, hung out with the X-Men, and eventually an Avenger). I find this a bit ironic, seeing as Crystal always seemed like one of the least aloof and unweird Inhumans, and has successfully had relationships with humans and mutants. She "belongs" to many things (humanity, mutantkind, etc) more than many others seem to. 

As she ponders her life, we flash to an obscure (this is his only appearance I think) Inhuman named Spore who is under attack from a well armed and armored mercenary calling himself the "Janissary." (see definition at bottom of page). Spore can pop out slightly weaker duplicates of himself, but is no match for Janissary. The armored merc uses weapons that he clearly bought from black market sites, and he spouts the verbiage of whatever ads he originally saw. When he uses a grenade he's like "The Zendlander 8, when you absolutely must get the job done" and "the Killco fire-emitters - when you absulutely must kill every last mother fucker in the room" kind of stuff. Janissary takes down the host body of Spore, but one last dupe manages to sneak away. 

Back at Avengers Manse, Crystal plays with her cute as a button toddler. She looks just like mommy, thought I don't see any resemblance to dad Quicksilver. Hmm. I think I may see a little Johnny Storm in those eyes. This issue being from so long ago I of course wonder how old the kid is portrayed these days (in real time she'd be about 30). The Spore dupe comes busting in looking for help from a fellow Inhuman, and Crystal being a loyal royal  doesn't hesitate. Spore can detect his boss-body, so a Quinjet is fired up and off they fly to the Andes mountains. 

At the villains base Janissary locks up Spore, and takes some delight in torturing him with his "Pain Master 26." His fun is halted by his employer. She is a Geneticist, so of course she is a young and beautiful woman with a voluptuous figure.  Hey, if you can accept that anybody short of a billionaire can have a secret lab in a place as remote as the Andes Mountains then you should have no trouble with a drop dead gorgeous scientist. 

Her plan is to use Spores Inhuman DNA to give herself some super powers, so she strips down and steps into the device to get things going. Our gal Crystal enters the base and immediately encounters The Janissary. She is kind of weak from using her powers to get into the base, but that doesn't stop her from busting out some karate power moves curtesy of training from her fellow Inhuman Karnak. Jannisary uses a gas grenade, but Crys blows the stuff back into the guys face, taking him out. 

Crystal then confronts the main villain, who now not only has cool energy blast and flight powers (which she can use effectively right away with no training), but a totally bitchin villain costume that shows off her more physical "assets." She calls herself "Terrigene" and takes the battle to Crys' grill, monologuing about Crystal being a fool for rejecting her royal family to live among normals, while Terrigene plans to create an army of super humans to live with. Crystal will have none of that, and manages to take the baddy down with a combo of grit and what little power she has left. It seems Terrigene's human cells cannot hold the DNA as well as an Inhuman, and she depowers pretty quickly. 

She explains that her parents were scientists who disowner her due to her shameful genetic experiments, and she did all this to make a new family that she can relate to. Confident that that lady is a threat no more, Chrystal takes Spore to the jet and gets back to the mansion to reunite with her kid. 

Writing: the story is pretty basic. Save a friend captured by a bad guy. Janissary being a walking advert for his gear is a nice touch. An odd moment that stands out is Crystal using her powers to blast down part of the mountain to enter the base, and then going "oh, there's an entrance over there." She has to go into battle with two foes with a weakened power set after getting in, and they probably could have come up with a way to do this without making the otherwise capable girl look like an idiot. But either way, her having to combat Janissary with her sweet hand to hand skills is a nice touch I liked. 

 As far as the new villains, it doesn't look like they ever made later appearances, which tells you something. But just the fact that Terrigene was able to pretty much create new Inhumans would make you think she would for sure return. But nope. She smartened up. Or maybe she and Janissary got trapped in the Andes lair with no way out and died. Or Spore snuck back in and murdered them. Who knows.

The art is serviceable. The girls look amazing in many shots, and not just because of their endowments. The action shots are good, and include a double page (that you have to hold sideways to read) spread of Terrigene busting out her new powers. Though its all kind of basic, there are nice touches. Crystal's face is given some character, when over the years she looked very basic with no stand out features other than her hair. Here the artist gives her that cute upturned nose look.  Also the Janissary having a slight 5 o'clock shadow gives off a "thug with gear he didn't invent" vibe.

Again, I don't remember even having this comic. Its fairly unmemorable. Nothing really to sing about, other than a nice cover, a few good action shots within, and I suppose Crystal getting a solo adventure makes it a bit special. Certainly any Crystal fan out there should have this. If you get it for a buck or less then its worth it for anybody. 

Yeah, I really like the cover. 

I give it 3 out of 5 Forbush Men.

Cheers

"Janissary"

a member of the Turkish infantry forming the Sultan's guard between the 14th and 19th centuries.

• a devoted follower or supporter.

Rereading Justice League International Annual #2: 1988 - Big Barda's weenie obsession

This 1988 issue has a $1.50 cover price. I see a fine copy going for just under 15 bucks on Ebay. Mine was never bagged and a little worse for wear. At this time I went through a Justice League phase for some reason despite being a Marvel dude, so I probably bought it off the rack.  A buck fifty was still reasonable for a comic book. This was still during my active comic buying years.  The cover sure could have drawn me in. 

The story title on the cover is "Private Lives" but inside it's "Hit or miss."

I didn't really intend to do the next JL annual after my previous post, but I'm operating out of the same long box and there it was next to JL annual #1. So what the heck. I grew up a Marvel guy, but I have plenty of DC's. This was the first annual to bear the "International" addition, and this was the period of big chuckles in JLA/JLI. Not just from the Martin and Lewisesque team of Blue Beetle and Booster Gold, but everybody seems to want in on the yucks with only Batman serving as straight man. Just like the previous annual this ish is brought to you by 

J.M. DeMatteis

and Keith Giffen joined by Bill Willingham on art. In my last post I got the revelation that Bill had done some of my favorite old school Dungeons and Dragons artwork. I love some of what he does here, and hate some of the other stuff, but I'll get into that. 

I really need to start out saying that for me the Joker sucks in this. I mean really suuuuucks. I'm not sure what they were going for, or if this was how the guy was portrayed in the 80's before Tim Burtons Batman. It's hard to pin down. He's kind of a mildly gay, cross dressing goofy neighbor in spiked heels from a sitcom type of character. His humor is more lame than funny. If you consider the Joker being a fan of Peoples Court ("I looooove Judge Wapner!!") and Entertainment Tonight, and going through a McDonalds drive-thru and ordering a "malt" and several burgers spot on as far as his antics go, then I may be way off here. But in all his incarnations this is the least menacing. What you find within is nothing like the fierce, grinning monster we got in the 70's, poisoning the masses with toxic fish, though the cover seems to get what we want out of him. Oh sure, he kills a couple guys, mainly lacky's helping him in his task, but its almost a throwaway. I mean yeah, its fairly insane, but nothing Lex Luthor or Vandal Savage wouldn't do if a henchman annoyed them.  Hey, the Joker kills people. But still there is no real menace. Maybe he's going through a muscle relaxer addiction at the time? Valium maybe?

So in a nutshell the Joker teams up with some Colonel from that South American country DC used a lot for stuff. If the colonel lends Joker some goons he'll assassinate the Justice League. 

The League is shown in pairs as was the trend at the time, going about various schemes with the main theme being Scott Free and Big Barda are having a BBQ that afternoon so everybody runs their errands before the party. Green Flame and Ice Maiden go on a model audtion. Booster and Beetle take on a repo job (in their civilian identies) that turns out to be about a super tank that was stolen. Martian Manhunter 

 and who I think is Rocket Red, in civilian garb, walk around Brighton Beach and end up in a Russian Restaurant. 

Joker tools around in a limo and makes his assassination attempts here and there. Not his usual crazy, high body count schemes, but just using a sniper rifle and such like a common hitman. He takes a shot at the girls, but Flame drops her purse and in bending down gets missed by the bullet. Ha ha. He tries to get the drop on J'onn and Red, but the restaurant is now a raucous, table dancing vodka party so he stomps away in a huff. Haha. Really, the Joker shown on the cover would have relished a chance at such a kill count, but no. He just get annoyed and kills another henchman.

Beetle and Booster manage to repo the big tank, and decide to pick up Green Flame and Ice Maiden with it and drive it to the party. 

At the Miracle House, Barda works in the kitchen, her running joke being the mystery of weenies. No really, she ponders the imponderable of hot dogs while Scott and Guy Gardner, rendered retarded I think by a punch from Batman in a previous issue, try to assemble and start a grill. You heard that right. Scott Free, supra genius and able to break down and rebuild a mother box in minutes, is having trouble getting his Weber up and running. I have to say that Big Barda, artistically, is a stand out here. As a Marvel guy I was mostly familiar with the big DC guys like Superman, Bats, and Wonder Woman. Mister Miracle was one of thos things I knew a little about but never read much on. Barda was just this big, maybe a little fat, armored warrior to me. But here she looks great in a really small, tight bikini. She's tall and curvy, but pretty much in proportion. I have a few problems with how some are rendered in his issue, but Barda looks amazing in every panel. I became a fan here. I looked up "Big Barda bikini" and got a ton of images showing here in a state of undress with a wide variety of body types, from thin to full on fat. I guess she is one of those characters artists take a lot of license with.  

So our story comes all together when the party starts and all are in attendance. The writers take their usual stabs at humor that mostly falls flat, like Oberron getting hit in the head by a football, or Manhunter rejecting hot dogs and asking for Twinkies. In a nutshell Joker shows up, steals the tank, attacks, and Manhunter and Barda destroy it no sweat. Joker crawls out crying "I wanna go back to Arkham!"

Here's the shittiest part, the lame punchline of the issue. Batman comes rolling in with the Batmobile(a compact version, actually), sees the carnage in the street, and does a 180 and peels out with a "I'm not in the mood" statement or whatever. Joker sees him and give chase "save my knight in not so shining armor!"

Yeah, its that bad. But icing on the cake has Flame baffled that Bats doesn't want a "weenie." Flame would say "hot dog" but I guess its maybe a regional thing? Naw. that line was clearly meant for Barda who isn't even in the panel.

Justice League annual #1, from my last post, was by the same creative crew and it stood mile above this mess. I actually really like seeing heroes in normal situations going about their lives. A backyard BBQ with any superheroes sounds great to me. But man, some good writing and dialogue helps with that. Otherwise it can be total crap, such as this. I mean, if you injected a character more know for impishness here, like maybe Penguin or Mr. Mxysptlik(sp) or something it would have worked better. Turning Joker into an incompetent failure just boggles my mind. 

I mean, how about this. Just have Joker in the shadows as the team goes about their private moments. Then have the party attack be a nadir moment for Barda and Scot, their peaceful and serene suburban life violated. Things are going great, the party is all fun, then Joker shows up and blows up the house, maybe killing somebody like Oberon. Maybe cripple Ice Maiden. Batman shows up and takes him away and Joker laughs and says "now that was a party to remember!"  We would still be talking about this issue. But no, this was clearly the years of a Hyuckle  Macyuk Justice League. You know, like what they did with Snyders JL movie when he left. 

Stand out iconic moment: Joker going into full crybaby mode at the end and mincing off towards the retreating Batmobile. Its cringy to the max. Joker should be getting dragged off bloody and laughing his head off. 

Overall grade: 2 out of 5 Forbush Mans.  I think that this was just one of those great ideas spoiled by the execution. 

Cheers,

Kevin Mac

An Origin

Greeting people of Earth! Always on the lookout for new podcasts to listen to at work and the gym and such, I recently discovered some comic book related ones (my favorite previous pods include The Adam Carolla podcast, How did this get Made, You Must Remember This, and Gilbert's Amazing Colossal Podcast) most notably Back to the Bins and The Quarter Bin podcast with Professor Allan. On these shows the knowledgeable and often very funny hosts discuss comics I grew up with (mostly 70's and 80's stuff). In the early 2000's I sold half my collection on Ebay (many bought by a college library back east), but I still held on to several long boxes.

When I was around 7 it all started when my folks brought me a pile of old comics they got at a swap meet, and at that point it was game on. My collection, some bought off the rack new comics, but mostly garnered second hand at swap meets, yard sales, and local shops, grew (mostly Marvels) exponentially until around 1994 or so when the cover prices were getting redick. Though I got my hands on the occasional newish comic (almost never near full price) most of my new comics knowledge came from the trades, and from bi-weekly browsing sessions at Hi Di Ho comics in Santa Monica. I'd smoke a joint in the car or on the beach then head in to read until I got worried I'd get dirty looks. Though that was unlikely. Hi Di Ho, a world famous shop, was started years before by a guy who was on my dad's local pub dart team.

Those boxes were mostly a burden, especially the other year when I moved from Southern California to The northwest. Still, every few years I crack off a top and take a brief peek at my old faves. Recently those comic book podcasts have inspired me to spend some weekend afternoon time with a bloody mary or vodka tonic and those old comics. So what the heck, why not write about them? I had a tabletop gaming blog some years ago, so I'm not a total noob. Or am I?

As an adult I never had any serious comic book fan friends. Oh, some had a little knowledge, but I tended to be alone in my love. I didn't go to conventions or otherwise hang out with comic nuts, so my love of comics was mostly a solo affair. That I think is a main reason I want to do this blog. I love to talk comics. I just never get to. Well, here is my chance.

Anyway, for this blog I plan to just put a long box on the couch and pull out a somewhat random comic to discuss. Marvel, DC, Flash in the Pan company, or whatever. I hope you can read along but if not, hey, I'm reading it for you.

I hope to read your comments.

Cheers

Kevin Mac